Regret & Satisfaction

Pre-Holiday Behind-the-scenes

I’ve been struggling to write lately for a few reasons. One; I’ve submersed myself in the studio and have overworked, trying to make up for lost sales. And to be very honest, I need to net 30k in the last two months of this year to be on par with 2022 sales which seems completely impossible at the moment. Two; the obvious hate in this world is overwhelming and I often feel like there’s nothing I can contribute with. I know that’s not true, but the helplessness seeps in. And three; I’ve attempted to limit my screen time as I make a conscious effort to spend less time on my devices. My attachment to my phone has been way up, so it’s important that I reel it back.

October was a pressure month and I’ve felt like a machine. Automating my work, repeating tasks. My right shoulder was sore for a week after attaching handles non-stop for 3 days. Even though I generally make the same quantity of ceramic wares year round, the selling part is more compressed and I roughly make half of my yearly income in 3 months which is amazing and scary! It’s a lot of eggs in one basket. If I could choose otherwise, I would.

Cloutier Ceramics studio // 2023

I’ve written many iterations of this month’s post and nothing seems to stick. Perhaps because I’m in the thick of it and it’s hard to reflect or think straight when life is happening. I wrote about the struggles of self-promotion and then deleted most of it. I also wrote a whole thing about my response to someone telling me I should “stay in my lane” as an artist after criticizing me for speaking out against the horrors happening in Palestine. I wrote about sales vs expenses to date but decided to hold off since I plan on doing a larger recap of what it costs me to run this business at the end of the year, so more on that soon.

Instead of a short essay or deep dive on a theme, I’m sharing a list of contradictions that also happens to read like the ultimate compromise of what a small business does and doesn’t do. It’s personal regret and satisfaction all tied up together. Here’s an in-the-moment compilation of recent failures & victories from my life in and out of the studio.

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My oil paints haven’t been touched in over a month, but I have been playing with my colored pencils.

I didn’t sign up to participate in any craft fairs this season, but I did launch Cup Club and Collector’s Club which I’m really proud of.

Although I’m struggling to find my place as a small business among the endless black friday sales that I can’t afford to offer, I did plan ahead and will be offering holiday gift boxes for the first time ever and I’m excited to share with my customers soon.

I’ve failed to stick to my 4-day work week this past month, but I am taking time off to enjoy the Thanksgiving break and will be avoiding the frenzy.

The garden has been completely ignored for weeks, but I did find the time to harvest seeds from dead flowers.

I’ve been lacking in the self-promoting department, but I have been growing my mailing list.

Instead of staying at home and binge watching Netflix like many other nights, I went to the cinema and watched a foreign film.

I’ve been fighting against the scarcity mindset as I’ve made significantly less money than last year, even if I know I have everything and more to live my richest life.

My kiln continues to have undiagnosed issues that have yet to be resolved, but I’m not panicking. As I write this I have about 3k worth of wares in a bisque firing that needs to reach a certain temperature. The good news is that I won’t panic if this fails, because working with clay has taught me so much about letting go. If there’s a lot of lost work, I’m determined to not freak out if the worst case scenario happens.

It’s been months since I had a regular exercise routine, but I am making sure I’m cooking and eating healthy meals at home. Proper lunch breaks fuel me on big work days and I have not skipped meals because of being “too busy”.

I often think my writing is not good enough, but more and more people are subscribing to Clayfulness which boosts my confidence. I continue to write even if I’m not a “writer”.

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Wood grain rubbings with blue colored pencil // October 2023

Today marks the end of making wet work to sell during the holidays. Anything I make from now on will be sold in January, and that’s a good feeling. I’ve been looking forward to this turning point. Working with clay has so many involved steps and the process is much longer than most people realize. For me, pottery that is sold in December is actually made in September and October. After a big push to make make make, I can finally take a breather and enjoy a few days of rest, but that doesn’t mean my workload is light. I have full shelves that need to be fired and glazed and then fired again. I have several photoshoots lined up, images to edit, marketing emails to write, a home holiday sale to prepare for, inventory to record, lots of sanding and packing, a website to update, etc. The rest of November will be all about this varied work and I like when every day is different.

My next update will likely be about the results of all my hard work and I’m curious to see how this end of year will play out. Thinking of all my small biz friends this time of year and especially this weekend! If you can, please support all your local makers and artisans, cafés, restaurants and mom-and-pop shops—I know so many that are struggling behind-the-scenes. Small Business Saturday should be celebrated every day and not simply one day each year.

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OTHER PLACES YOU CAN FIND ME

// Cloutier Ceramics for all the clay goodies //

// Take a virtual watercolor painting class with me! (next one is Nov. 21st!) //

// Read my top Substack post 3 Things I do Every Month //

// Listen to my interview on The Maker's Playbook episode 408 //

// Save the date for my Ceramics Studio Sale Dec. 16th //

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Grounded in play, Clayfulness is a newsletter exploring what it means to be a small business with transparency. This is a place where you’ll find failures and victories from my studio practice, how I stay motivated and when I’m not. This is more than a monthly word exercise for myself, but a space to understand what this little business is and where it wants to go. I love reflecting and thinking about the future, but writing in the present moment can capture what I'm really thinking and I'm getting better at it the more I do it. I call it Clayfulness because clay is the background of my life, but there's also more. My life is full of other endeavors and being playful is one of my core principles in everything I do.

This is a free offering but I've allowed myself to receive payment for this if you can support it or if you've gotten value from my work over the years. It's not necessary to pay to read, but very much appreciated. "Selling" does not come naturally to me, but I think about this newsletter as a personal contribution I've put out in the world. I invite you to become a paid subscriber or to become a founding member at whatever price you like. I’m grateful for your presence here. There are endless streams of newsletters out there, so I approach your inbox wisely and appreciate your time and space.