Reaching for my Hand-held Device
Quitting Instagram
After 4 weeks off social media, I’ve realized that reaching for my phone is the bigger problem. Instagram isn’t the total enemy, but my hand-held device is. Constantly looking for my phone for no reason was made more apparent from this pause and it’s a terrible feeling. I love altering my habits and changing routines, but the default of holding the cellphone has been harder to break. I’m still working on it. I’ve had to remove the news feed, change all the notification settings and am seriously considering getting rid of constant email access, but I’m not there yet. Is getting a flip phone like my internet-free neighbor has or going “light” in my future?
In many ways, taking a break from instagram has been good, but not as life-changing as I would have thought. I get a lot of out the app because I actually do connect with folks. In the past, I’ve been able to set boundaries so that I can maximize the benefits and reduce the downsides, but they had recently gotten away from me so the scrolling stoppage was necessary. I go through frequent cleanups and unfollows, but this current break I’m on is a welcome one, even if sales are slow. A regular disconnect from attention-draining screens is a really good thing for my brain. I will continue with prolonged withdrawals, but it’s not out of my life forever. At least, not yet.
Introducing this long pause from posting habitually on my grid and in stories has proven to significantly reduce online traffic to my website. 27% less people visited my website than the previous month which is a hard number to accept. And, even more shocking is that I had a total of 9 online orders for the entire month! That’s not sustainable for my self-employment. A large commission saved me from being in the red for the month which I’m so grateful for. It hasn’t been long enough to see if it’s truly affected sales and I haven’t countered with more outreach and in-person events yet, but the numbers have definitely dropped and it’s not a positive thing.
Aside from the small business stuff, I truly miss sharing the small things that inspire me in my everyday life. I love noticing the tiny details and I enjoy sharing those small moments so much. The matilija poppy I planted last year burst open yesterday and I wished I could have shared my excitement. My neighbor tilled his land and it left the most beautiful marks—I would have shared that too. The native wildflower seeds I sprinkled around in October actually took root this spring after years of trying and now I have an incredible mix of clarkias, phacelia, California poppies, bird’s-eye gilias and more growing in a little area I now call the “mini meadow” which is roughly a 10’ x 10’ ugly area of weeds. Except for now, it’s a glorious and ugly area of weeds. Monumental to me, yet, if anyone came across it, they would think nothing of it.
Looking very very closely, getting down to inspect the earth, discovering what type of spider lives with its companion plant is one of my superpowers. It sounds silly to say but it’s more than a strong interest, it’s just who I am and what I do. As I write this, I’m reminded of a funny time when I was in 5th grade and got a hold of our family camcorder. I grabbed a cassette and proceeded to override most of my sister’s 7th birthday party with a full 30 minutes of squirrel documentary. I zoomed in as much as the lens would allow and recorded all of their little details, as if I was making a feature film on this little creature. I followed and recorded its every move. That is typical me as a kid and it’s typical me as an adult. I can be so interested in what someone else may think is so boring. Of course, I don’t believe in being “bored” either, but that’s a whole other essay.
I’ve taken almost no photos with my Pixel 5 since the insta break began and I’ve been carrying my film camera so much more. It’s been a sweet counterbalance to the millions of pics I used to take. I don’t want to notice something and immediately react thinking it would be a good image to share. I want to take photos for me first—not for others. As some of you may remember, I enrolled in a dark room photography course earlier this year at my local community college. The semester long class just ended and it was such a wonderful experience—I loved every second of it!
I’ve sprinkled some images throughout this month’s post that were made in class. These are silver gelatin prints that I processed in the dark room from rolls of Ilford HP5 Plus 400 film I developed. I spent 4-5 hours a week in the dark room lab and the time to learn something new was such a gift.
My final photography project took on the approach of looking intently at the ground and specifically the unnoticed ground that we walk on. Overlooked spaces and places and re-presenting commonalities has always fascinated me and I incorporated photograms of plant material during the printing process. I want to share more about the experience, but I’m still processing and need time organizing thoughts on my photography goals and projects with this new-to-me medium. I plan on taking the next course this fall to push myself in new directions and deeper concepts.
I’m going to keep the social media break going a bit longer, as we’re headed to Siskiyou county next week for a little vacation. I’ll likely get back on instagram in a more limited way next month, but I’m excited to explore a new landscape with few distractions. This will be my first time in this part of California and I’m so looking forward to observing fresh surroundings and enjoying some river time! (It will be hot!) While the husband does his fly fishing thing, I’ll be documenting what I see through painting, photography and writing. And of course swimming! Perhaps, I’ll bring back some inspiration for the clay studio too. I’m bringing my Case for Making watercolors, my Canon AE-1 with 4 rolls of film, my sketchbook, binoculars and lots of sunscreen. I may or may not report back. It’s not summer yet, but with this western heatwave, it certainly feels like an early shift in season.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Grounded in play, Clayfulness is a newsletter exploring what it means to be a small business with transparency. This is a place where you’ll find failures and victories from my studio practice, how I stay motivated and when I’m not. This is more than a monthly word exercise for myself, but a space to understand what this little business is and where it wants to go. I love reflecting and thinking about the future, but writing in the present moment can capture what I'm really thinking and I'm getting better at it the more I do it. I call it Clayfulness because clay is the background of my life, but there's also more. My life is full of other endeavors and being playful is one of my core principles in everything I do.
This is a free offering but I've allowed myself to receive payment for this if you can support it or if you've gotten value from my work over the years. It's not necessary to pay to read, but very much appreciated. "Selling" does not come naturally to me, but I think about this newsletter as a personal contribution I've put out in the world. I invite you to become a paid subscriber or to become a founding member at whatever price you like. I’m grateful for your presence here. There are endless streams of newsletters out there, so I approach your inbox wisely and appreciate your time and space.
Having the same experience with my phone and empathize wholeheartedly! I look forward to purchasing more of your beautiful pieces in the near future - Hopefully the breakfast set ♥️
I’m imagining the shimmering quality of silver gelatin looks in your prints. Magic!! They’re gorgeous prints, but the silver is something special you can only appreciate with the physical object. Thank you for sharing 🩶