Questions I’ve asked myself lately:
Is pottery out?
Do I need to look for another job?
Do I need to start a new business?
How do I keep moving foward?
I have no answers and who knows if this will all work out in the end, but I came back from a week in Siskiyou County thinking I got this. After many months of super slow sales and my lowest month in eight years, I told myself I can power through and most importantly, I want to power through.
The first day of every month I do my budget. Like clockwork, on June 1st, I reviewed all my numbers. In May, I barely broke even. I wasn’t in the red, but my net income was $68. That’s not a typo. Laughable. After finishing my spreadsheet I told my husband that I was a joke. Of course, I’m not a joke and everything I do is very real but the feeling was of complete failure.
The day after, we packed the car and took off for a week. This was a planned vacation, but it sure felt like poor timing. How can I go away at a time like this? It felt like a business crisis. However, 4 hours later, as soon as we got to the river, I forgot about everything and was blown away by the landscape. It was my first time this far north in the state of California and it truly felt like nature was giving me hug.
The water was powerfully invigorating and cold from glacial melt. The rushing flows were loud and helped to drown out my thoughts on work. We were in a remote area and my senses were hyper aware as to what was in front, behind, above and below me. The giant umbrella plants lined the waters edge and welcomed me as I found a rock to sit on.
One day, we went to the The Kerry Landreth Preserve on the McCloud river. The amount of butterflies was incredible—I’d never seen so many species and in this quantity so close together. Hundreds fluttered about as I walked on the banks. My backpack was bright yellow and they were attracted to it. I had an “activity” bag because I wanted to be prepared for what would come to me while on the river and brought as much as I could carry—water bottle, lunch, snacks, sunscreen, sketchbook, pencil and paint brush, my Case for Making watercolors, bird book and camera. This was a birthday fishing trip for my partner Matt, but he really wanted me to come along to experience his favorite place so I tagged along with my art supplies. As he waded the waters, I would slowly follow along with my own gear.
I was so pleasantly distracted and enamored from the surroundings that I did very little “activities” I had planned on. I mostly just observed. I did a few botanical line drawings in my tiny sketchbook. I took photos with my polaroid camera, my 35mm Canon AE-1 and my phone. I couldn’t help myself, it was too beautiful not to document in every capacity that I could.
I saw a native leopard lily. I heard an osprey call and looked up and saw its giant nest. We stumbled upon a field of Shasta daisies. We looked for porcinis, but found morels instead. I witnessed a dragonfly slowly emerge from its exoskeleton and transform from a nymph to a flying insect over the course of an hour. I noticed all the rocks, all the crevices—their sparkle, fragility and strength. As we were leaving I declared that I should become a naturalist or nature photographer.
So, if I ask myself “Is pottery out?” after my time at the river, the answer is completely different then prior to leaving. Pottery is nature. Pottery is earth. Pottery is expression. And pottery will continue to sustain me. So, no. Pottery is not out. Will I need to get creative to make this business survive and thrive? 100%. I don’t know how this will unfold, but I’m in a place where I’m motivated to find a way to make this work and my outlook is much more positive than a few months ago.
I’m in a tiny bookclub, just my friend Anna and I, and this month we’re reading Rick Rubin’s The Creative Act: A Way of Being. “It is through communing with nature that we move closer to our own nature”. This passage on page 52 really resonated with me and was reminded again that nature is the ultimate teacher. When I feel lost, being in nature has always grounded me. It’s an easy thing to say, but when you can truly absorb the landscape it can provide such balance and calm. We plan to read books on art and creativity and then discuss that alongside projects we’re currently working on or hope to create. For sometime now, I’ve been wanting to make a series of cups with botanicals that I’m drawn to. After my week away, I think it’s finally the right time to explore those ideas that I’ve been keeping inside.
If you know my ceramic work, you know that I’m a bit of a minimalist. I like to let the material speak for itself without adding decoration, distracting color or unnecessary extras. But lately I’ve been wanting to introduce something more literal, less abstract. Why do I keep my clay work separate from my sketches and drawings? I’ve decided to try my hand at some new drinking vessels that will have illustrative qualities to them. We’ll see if they’ll be any good or worth selling, but I’m excited to create something completely new.
After a longer-than-usual 6 month lull in the studio, I’m more inspired than ever. I’ve been waiting for this feeling to come and it’s finally returned. For many reasons, but mostly 1) my extended instagram break provided breathing room and I was less distracted 2) time spent at the river energized my core and last but not least 3) the change in season!
Summer is here and I can really feel the abundance. The overflow in ideas, the warmth, the longer days. It’s my favorite season and I always thrive during this period. (I am a Leo after all :) So with that energy, I’ve planned a few things alongside new work in progress.
For the local readers here, I’ve launched my seasonal private wheel-throwing lessons and I’m hosting an in-person workshop on the art of collage called Thinking with Your Hands at my home studio on July 13th that I’m very excited about. Please share if you know someone who may be interested or sign up with a friend! Space is limited to 10 spots to keep the workshop an intimate gathering. And, save the date for my annual Seconds Sale! Saturday, July 27th at my home studio in Sebastopol—more details to follow. Hope you can make it!
I hope this newsletter finds you well and that you can make time and space to find a river near you. It was magic for me and I plan on finding more waterways soon.
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Grounded in play, Clayfulness is a newsletter exploring what it means to be a small business with transparency. This is a place where you’ll find failures and victories from my studio practice, how I stay motivated and when I’m not. This is more than a monthly word exercise for myself, but a space to understand what this little business is and where it wants to go. I love reflecting and thinking about the future, but writing in the present moment can capture what I'm really thinking and I'm getting better at it the more I share. I call it Clayfulness because clay is the background of my life, but there's also more. My life is full of other endeavors and being playful is one of my core principles in everything I do.
Thank you so much for this, I have been feeling similarly low about my art sales, and it does feel so good to hear I’m not alone and be encouraged to continue with new inspiration. I really appreciate it.🩷