Fresh Start
Back to Square One
I’m a beginner all over again and I’m not loving the feeling.
Working with clay is not for the faint of heart. From the perspective of the outsider, the field of ceramics is generally thought of as this super chill, relaxing hobby with a meditative process. For me, it’s never been about the calm but about the physicality of using my hands to create.
After working with the same clay for over 12 years, I’ve had to retire my mainstay material. I won’t get into too much detail about the various issues, but after weeks and weeks of troubleshooting, I can’t deal with the loss anymore. I need to move on. When you work with a material for so long, it’s easy to assume that it’ll be the same forever, but it’s not the case (especially with ceramics). Clay comes from the ground and even though the clay I use is manufactured, it remains a natural material from the earth. Mineral deposits change. Ingredients change. Nothing lasts forever and it’s been a tough pill to swallow.
I find myself asking “have I just gotten lucky until now”? Why is all this happening as I get back to the potter’s wheel. It’s been really discouraging and I wasn’t ready to talk about it but now that I’ve made some decisions and recently had some good work come out of the kiln, I can move forward. Clay is an amazing and beautiful medium to work with, but it’s also extremely finicky, wild and never ever predictable. Clay has a mind of its own and the artist is rarely in control, even after years and years of practice. While I’ve been trying to figure out the various problems, tweaking every little thing, really nit-picking my studio habits and tendencies with no different results has had me feeling deflated.
To put this into perspective, I’ve roughly lost 50% of the work I made in the first quarter of this year. It’s a staggering number when you rely on selling all of your handmade product to make a proper living month after month. I’ve always accounted for a bit of loss (5-10% of imperfect work) but nothing humbling like this before.
Unfortunately, my pricing does not take into account such great loss. With ceramics, there will always be some waste, but experimentation, material inconsistencies and time to figure it out has not been built into my financial plan.
My problems are still not resolved, so I’ve been working with different clays trying to figure out what my new collection might look like. During this time, it’s been hard to get motivated in the studio. Why spend the day making when the outcome could be another disappointment? While I think I've found some new clays to work with, I don’t know the ins and outs of this new material yet and it will take me some time to understand it. It was a disheartening few months in the studio, but ultimately, I know change will be good and the refresh will be welcome. I am cautiously optimistic that I can move forward. Last week I got some new work out of the kiln and was really pleased with the results. Finally.
I’m seeing the change in season as a fresh start. Summer is the restart to my new year and instead of feeling behind I’m telling myself I’m right on track.
Speaking of fresh starts, I got a new notebook strictly devoted to documenting my clay notes and ideas. Somehow I didn’t currently have one in the works?? and was relying on scraps of loose paper.
I’ve never been consistent with sketchbooks and have been all over the place with type, size, brand and kinds of paper. I wish I was that type of artist that had gorgeous books filled with ideas and drawings but I’m just not that person. (For paying subscribers, I did a post about my Visual Diary and shared some old spreads awhile back if you’re curious). In recent years, I’ve had individual sketchbooks for different content. I have a small leather-bound book for ink botanical drawings and observations. I have two watercolor paperbound books, one small for travel and a larger format for home. I have an Emilio Braga notebook that I strictly use for writing, but haven’t touched it in over a year.
I used to draw more pots and cups and bowl ideas when I was first starting out, but lately I lean towards designing in three dimensions. I mostly try new shapes directly on the potter’s wheel, but I want to change that—or at least add to the process. I’ve been disorganized the last few months with so many failures to track and document, but I think this will help keep all my thoughts in one place instead of random bits of paper sprinkled about the studio, blowing away in the wind, covered in dust or clay and getting half wet. I’ve been testing out so many new clay and glaze combinations, I’ve felt scatterbrained because of the chaos.
Another reason for the new sketchbook comes from an energizing show I saw at SFMOMA that made me realize I need to get back to consistent drawing. Along with a few friends, I saw the beautiful Ruth Asawa Retrospective and it was stunning to say the least. What a prolific and inspiring human being! We spent 3 hours looking at her sculptures and works on paper. While I’ve always loved her woven metal hangings, I was blown away by her large drawings of plants. Shown below are two of my favorites included in the show.
Drawing is a huge part of who I am and it’s important that I make time for it. Wether it be architectural drafting, abstract sketches or documenting my natural surroundings, the practice of drawing has always been essential for understanding everything I do.
I haven’t gotten any new pens in over a decade, so I treated myself with some writing utensils to go with my recent sketchbook purchase. I hope it will get organically messy! That’s something I need to get over. Sketchbooks aren’t meant to be neat and tidy—I’ll keep you posted on how the studio sketchbook evolves.
Another new thing in the studio is that I’ve taken on my first tile commission and it’s been really fun to work on. Making tiles is not something I’m set up to do but I’ve made it work. I’ve enjoyed the back and forth between rolling out slabs and hand cutting each tile while also throwing on the wheel during a typical work week. It’s been a nice balance for my body.
Periodically, someone reaches out about a custom tile project but it has always fallen through in the past. Either my prices are too high, the job is too big or their timeline is unrealistic. But this spring, I said yes to this project and I’m excited to see it all come together. I’m about half way through which feels good. Every time I lay out these 4”x4” tiles, the endless combinations and unique patterns feel fresh and exciting. I’ve kept some small 2” off-cuts for myself and I’ve enjoyed playing around with them.
So while I’ve had a not-so-smooth start to the year with pottery production setbacks, I’m finally getting some good work out of the kiln and grateful that one project seems to be going my way.
I always say summer is my time. Year after year that proves to be right and I’m feeling that burst of energy these days.
Grounded in play, Clayfulness is a newsletter exploring what it means to be a small business with transparency. This is a place where you’ll find failures and victories from my studio practice, how I stay motivated and when I’m not. This is more than a monthly word exercise for myself, but a space to understand what this little business is and where it wants to go. I call it Clayfulness because clay is the background of my life, but there's also more. My life is full of other endeavors and being playful is one of my core principles in everything I do.
Thank you for reading, subscribing, sharing, commenting, liking and simply just being here. It means a lot to me. There are endless streams of newsletters out there, so I approach your inbox wisely and appreciate your time and space. If you’ve found value from my work over the years, you can support me by upgrading to a paid subscription for $5/mth.
Excited to see how the new sketchbook goes!
Wow! Those tiles are spectacular!!!