10 Highs & Lows
Self-employment Rollercoaster
As always, this past year was filled with ups and downs. While I’m not completely in reflection mode yet and am too mentally tired to look back, a few things stand out. I’ll start with the good news because I’m optimistic.
HIGHS
1. After 10 years of making a living from selling ceramics, I’m still invested in my work and the care that goes into every single piece I make with my hands. My love for the craft remains. I enjoy my day-to-day immensely and that’s a win.
2. I had a solo art show and it was called TIMETABLE! I showed 28 tabletop ceramic sculptures, 7 new stoneware wall pieces and 13 silver-gelatin prints. I appreciated having all my work in one room in conversation with each other. While I only sold 7 works of art and didn’t sell as much as anticipated, it was a great experience. It was the first time I showed my black & white photography to the public and am proud for putting myself out there.
3. Having my health has been a major high point to the year. In the past, I didn’t consider my good health as a bonus, I just assumed it would be there. When you’re young and healthy you don’t recognize it. But since my back injury in 2024 I’m very aware of how this body functions and having use of my entire body for the entire year is a win. Keeping my body in good working condition was a priority and was mostly achieved by daily walks, weekly water aerobics and not overworking on the potters wheel. Health is wealth.
4. I took on my first tile commission and was elated with the results. The clients and I were really pleased with how the project turned out. Over the course of several weeks, I made 100 4x4” tiles and it was a studio highlight. I’ve never had an instagram post go viral, but a single image of my marbled tiles was seen by over 115,000 people and shared by thousands. I had so many emails from interior designers that I could not answer them all. I’m not a tile factory, so it was a bit funny to me that so many people were reaching out.
5. I did two in-person sales and they were the highlight of the year for my pottery business. I opened up my studio doors in November for a seconds sale and was nervous about folks coming out since I hadn’t hosted a sale in 16 months! But long-time customers, clients, friends, neighbors showed up. Some even drove several hours and I was so grateful for the support. I sold over 300 pieces and it created positive momentum for me personally and reminded me there is still a strong desire for handmade work. In December, I participated in Case for Making’s inaugural Holiday Art Market in San Francisco and wasn’t sure how the turnout would be. There were 10 makers selling their art and I thought it would be a fun low-key day with some sales, but it was so busy from start to finish—a nice surprise to go home with empty boxes.
LOWS
6. My income for the month of November was equivalent to the prior 6 months. Which sounds massive and amazing, but it truly wasn’t all that much. A lot of good things happened this year, but 2025 was the year I’ve made the least since 2017. I actually made a higher income last year when I injured my back and wasn’t in the studio for 3 months. Not everything is about $$ but it’s a tough pill to swallow. With self-employment comes variability, but I never anticipated making less as I move forward.
7. Cup Club subscriptions are way down. Roughly 20% of my yearly sales come from this quarterly membership, so this is a good chunk of my income that is missing. It has me a little worried that I’m at such a low number. To date, I’ve sold 16. Last year I sold 40 memberships. The other aspect of Cup Club is that I absolutely love making the special editions which is part of the disappointment because I’m really proud of this work I do and want to continue building this project.
8. In recent months, I’ve lost 20% of paying subscribers here on substack and have no idea why. On my end, nothing has changed much. I send out one thoughtful post every 30 days. Expiring recurring payments are probably the reason, but I keep thinking maybe I’m not keeping it fresh and readers want more? I’ve written 3 years of monthly posts and the losing of subscribers has me wondering if I’ve exhausted everything I have to share. I’m considering calling it quits, because 36 monthly posts sounds like a good stopping point. I’m not sure, but I also know that every year, every month, every week is different and that I will likely have something new to share.
9. I sold zero private lessons in 2025. In previous years, I typically would sell 10-15 one-on-one sessions. My fee hasn’t changed in 4 years, but I do think folks are spending less. $250 is what I charge for 2 hours and it might be too much these days, but I know I can’t do it for less. So many ways I typically bring in income have dissapeared.
10. My biggest setback this year was dealing with changes to my main clay body. The first half of the year I spent enormous amounts of time troubleshooting. Efflorescence (aka scumming) has been the bane of this studios existence. I lost about 10-15k in product due to soluble salts. It’s not something that can be resolved, which has been crushing to my small business. Time is my biggest resource and I never really recovered from the loss.
There seems to have been more lows than highs this year, but I kept it even—5 for each. I’ve been struggling with the definition of what being a successful artist means because it hasn’t felt good lately. I doubt myself. I’m an artist yet sell very little art these days. It truly feels disappointing to make such a low income when you work so hard, but deep down I know success isn’t about how much a person makes.
Success isn’t money
Success isn’t followers
Success isn’t numbers
Success is showing up
Success is working hard
Success is believing in yourself
I write this for my own piece of mind because I need to hear it. When you’re a small business, pivoting is what you’re constantly having to do and this is just another one of those moments.
I plan on taking the whole month of January as a mental reset, not forcing to reflect by a certain date, but to slowly digest the past and to steadily look to the future. I’ll be in the studio working, experimenting and trying out new things. January 1st is often a favorite day of mine but I also put a lot of pressure on that singular date to “figure things out”. In recent years, February has become that time for a fresh start, so while I love celebrating the new year, it’s going to be a slow unfolding.
Cheers to the last day of 2025!
Grounded in play, Clayfulness is a newsletter exploring what it means to be a small business with transparency. This is a place where you’ll find failures and victories from my studio practice, how I stay motivated and when I’m not. This is more than a monthly word exercise for myself, but a space to understand what this little business is and where it wants to go. I love reflecting and thinking about the future, but writing in the present moment can capture what I’m really thinking and I’m getting better at it the more I share.
I call it Clayfulness because clay is the background of my life, but there’s also more. My life is full of other endeavors and being playful is one of my core principles in everything I do. Subscribe for free, upgrade to a paid subscription or give a one-time contribution if you’ve found value from my words or work over the years.
I enjoy the work you do and look forward to seeing the your future clayfulness.
Feeling so much of what you shared. 2025 was truly the bleakest year as a small business owner that I’ve seen in my 25 years. Worse than the recession and covid combined. And I share your approach, embracing rest and introspection over chasing sales and devaluing your work. Here’s to hoping the ship rights itself in 2026.